This Stupid Machine Needs A Kick In The Balls: Rats (1984)

Some viewing experiences are made quite better by the inclusion of other people sharing in the insanity or intensity of the cinematic moment.  Other moviegoing is made better by an alteration of perception induced by a few drinks, or for the particularly dangerous mind altering drugs. Then there are some experiences that are made better by both of these elements inclusion, but still manage to exist in a world entirely detached from all logical reason.  Rats, subtitled Night of Terror, is one such bit of madness that was viewed for this marathon at a retro screening taking place at my local indie theater.  Part of the glorious, and seemingly never ending sequence of Italian knock off films from the eighties, Rats is less clear than say, Starcrash, in what it is ripping off, in that it is one part zombie film, one part Mad Max parody and an even more wicked dose of nonsensical exploitation flick that seems almost inconceivable when layered with the classic Italian method of dubbing films, wherein synchronicity is deemed useless.  Even going into this film quite aware of how terrible the product would be, in wildly endearing ways, I was taken aback by how much I found myself consuming its implausibility, both in terms of how indifferent the filmmaker, the infamous Bruno Mattei, seemed in concerns of creating a remotely feasible plot, in so much as it begins with a narration about nuclear fallout that factors so very minimally into most of the film that it almost seems like the intro was an afterthought.  Yet, underneath all the insanity that is Rats lies a film with some moments of genuine excitement, surprisingly not all of which are undercut by some sweet Italian synth music, making for a movie with an incredible amount of laughs, but also a noted last sequence that I cannot shake out of my brain, one that is haunting and absurd simultaneously, as well yet another inspiration for a possible future costume.  Also, a lot of people scream for lengthy amounts of time in this film.

Rats, as noted, exists in a post-apocalyptic landscape, that is allegedly supposed to be Manhattan, where only two things still roam the earth, rats and biker gangs.  One such biker gang, consisting of absurdly named individuals such as Video (Gianno Franco) and black woman Chocolate (Geretta Geretta) find themselves stopping off in the ruins of Manhattan, in an apparent search for food.  Their decision to stop proves quite fruitful when a bar they enter is stockpiled with food, including the highly nutritious items of sugar and flour. Realizing that there was a previous group of people inhabiting the space, the biker gang thinks little of occupying the space for their own, enjoying the provisions made freely theirs, both in terms of sleeping quarters and a botanical garden full of fascinating, but assumedly useless plants.  Indeed, two members of the biker gang feel so very much at home that they begin having sex in a sleeping bag, in the line of sight of the entirety of the rest of their gang.  Yet, despite all their decadent delight, it becomes clear that they are not at all alone, but indeed sharing this space with an inordinate amount of rats, ones that happen to have a penchant for consuming human flesh, or, at the very least, flinging themselves in large droves at human bodies, until the individuals they attack become so scratched and disgusted as to be driven to madness.  Needless to say, the group takes it upon themselves to exact revenge upon the rodents, using everything from antiquated maces to malfunctioning flamethrowers to lay waste to both the rats and all the members of their group suffering from the scratches of the vile creatures.  Yet the rats in their incessant attacks and quickly mounting numbers, begin knocking off members of the biker gang, until only a few of the members remain.  In a narrative jump, a group of hazmat suit wearing humans begin spraying gas into the town, assumedly trying to kill the rats, but when the remaining members of the gang emerge from buildings to confront these exterminators, it becomes clear in a rather intense reveal that perhaps they were also on the docket to be suffocated like rodents.

There are a lot of simplistic film titles in the world, ones that only speak to a layer of the film and in other times there are film titles like Sharknado that give viewers everything they could possibly need to know about the film.  Somehow, completely unbeknownst to me, the title of Rats seems to masterfully cover the film I viewed last night, while also being a terribly misguided suggestion about what the film manages to undertake.  I do not mean to suggest that Rats is a good movie, for it is not, nothing about the film works from a structuralist standpoint, whether it be a complete lack of regard for continuity or a concern for explaining how and where the rats, of their multiple varieties, emerge.  Instead it is simply a post-apocalyptic tale concerning a group of travelers who are quite terrible at understanding, or perhaps accepting, that certain spaces are inhospitable.  Not to lean to heavily on the classic horror film critique of "they should have just left" as it defeats the nature of horror films and their fantastical elements, however, I feel it quite worth noting in the context of this film, because honestly there is no real context as to why the bikers stop, or as to why there was a bunker filled with weird video games, as one member suggests.  Rats almost manages to be a set of film ideas cut together, never really managing to be a single solid work, but again, not to detract from my earnest joy while watching this film, because damn if it was not enjoyable in its lack of continuity.  Even as I sit here and critique these elements of the film, I am also aware of some of its truly captivating moments, whether it is those which occur when a mise-en-scene is formed that manages to incorporate rats into the windows of the background, or the synth actually hits its cue in a great way.  Rats, I guess, is an enigma more than anything else, which has helped it to gain its notoriety, particularly since its begin is in such stark contrast to its captivating ending.  Of course, there is also a real possibility that it is just a bad movie that should only be loved as such, Rats is yet another work from the golden age of Italian blockbuster knock-offs that proves to be a bit more than its intention and for that it should continually be sought out and viewed.

Key Scene: Rat humans.

There are murmurings of a Bluray release emerging soon.  I cannot suggest this release enough, in which case waiting to view it is permissible.

For Your Awareness: Chop Kick Panda (2011)

Knowing that I would being undertaking the kung fu marathon for a month I planned accordingly to include some more unusual films, and since I try to cover all aspects of cinema I knew that including an animated film was a necessity.  However, I also knew that I did not really want to watch Kung Fu Panda.  I am sure it is a fine film, but not one that I was particularly in a mood to engage with.  Fortunately, my dear friend over at the newly emerging Bull Moose Bravo blog, reminded me that Kung Fu Panda had a mockbuster equivalent known as Chop Kick Panda.  Given my penchant for the absurd I knew it was something that I would have to include in the marathon.  The mockbuster, is, of course, a film released by companies like Asylum to bank on the success of another big budget picture, a popular example being the release of Atlantic Rim to coincide with Pacific Rim.  These films are always low-budget, usually poorly produced and intended almost entirely to prey upon unsuspecting parents who are seeking to rent/buy a DVD for their children.  Admittedly, I could just as easily make a mistake between Transformers and Transmorphers if they were standing next to one another on a shelf.  The ethics in such releases are problematic, but it is also somewhat brilliant conceptually, because it is releasing to profit, without the illusion of anything else, and anything that can foreseeably stick it to the Hollywood big wigs, even if in the market of 99 cents rentals is great in my book.  The crazy thing about Chop Kick Panda though is that, for only being forty minutes of super minimal animation (not even bothering to use 3D), it manages to be a somewhat watchable work, with a decent enough message for the youth audience it is assumedly directed towards.  I am not suggesting that it is anything profound or even cinematically valuable, but merely arguing that it could have been so much less and still served the purposes of a mockbuster.  I hesitate to use the word earnest to describe such a work, but it is impossible not to see moments when the voice actors and sound editor are clearly having fun and enjoying the work.  To be fair, for a lot of the people involved it was likely their entry level job in the world of filmmaking and given the lax nature of the productions they were afforded considerably free reign, resulting in some moments of sound filmmaking, in the most unlikely of settings.

Chop Kick Panda is more than a turning a new leaf narrative, which is what I assume its influence Kung Fu Panda centers upon.  Sure the main character Zibo is a lovable loser to varying degrees in his hopes of being so "legendary that his legend is legendary," but he respects his job and obeys the rules of the dojo he works within.  Indeed, in this film it is entirely the acts of ill-willed bad guys who make Zibo even seem remotely lacking.  Indeed, Zibo's dream of becoming a kung fu master are neither unhealthy nor hindering those around making for a narrative of finding one's self that is positive.  This is, however, not the big surprise of the film, because Zibo is not a lone wolf character who is coming to his own in a individualistic sense.  In fact, Zibo has a son who looks up to him with adoration, finding his job as a janitor in a dojo to be not only respectable, but a point of pride amongst his somewhat more skeptical friends.  Chop Kick Panda is quite positive about the relationship it portrays, even going into detail about the loss of Zibo's wife and how it has led to the particular bonding between him and his son.  This sort of narrative is considerably rare within the children's film, particularly those that are animated.  It seems to be yet another benefit of this unusual form of alternative cinema, in its decidedly detached concern for producers intents.  In so much, as something like Chop Kick Panda exists solely to play against another release, it manages to put some considerable concern into what it is promoting narratively.  Aside from embracing non-traditional images of family, the film also uses language in a clever manner, which, probably by accident, manages to serve an educational role to the children who are listening.  Again the film does have a decidedly simple element about it, but this does not mean it is unwatchable.  I through unconventional means have come to find this mockbuster and I do not want to jump to conclusions until I have seen a few more in this "genre," but it seems that his might be just as revolutionary a style of alternative cinema as the orphan film or web-series.   Chop Kick Panda does not have to meet expectations, and in this it is also allowed to reconsider them.  I, much to my surprise, would defend this film adamantly.

Chop Kick Panda is available on DVD or streaming on Amazon Prime.  I would suggest giving it a look, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised at its genuine sentiment.